Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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