physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
