Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
