I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
