we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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