we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
