So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
