garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
