Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
