Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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