I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
