So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
