I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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