he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
