I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
