whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
