do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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