I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
