she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
