Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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