I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
