Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
