she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
