careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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