I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
