Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
