he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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