Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
