dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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