Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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