No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
