Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
