I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
