Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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