So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
