The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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