YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
