The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
