if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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