my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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