Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
