I'm going to jail i love you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
