there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
