we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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