her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Randomize
