Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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