I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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