The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
