I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The air was thick with penises
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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