kristin has been a bad kristin
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
