don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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